One bright, sunny Saturday in June of 2010, we had a terrible car accident. A girl pulled out in front of our van just as we went through a green light, and we had no time to stop before we broad-sided her. Our van was totaled, but thankfully, none of us were seriously injured.
In order to purchase a new van, we decided to sell Paul's car and share one vehicle. We figured that if we could even make it six months, it would be a big financial help. At the time, I knew I was going to be the one to give up the use of the van most of the time, but Paul's flexible schedule meant that I could probably use it if I needed it.
The down-side was that the kids and I were unable to do many things that we wanted to do. I just simply couldn't get them to sports leagues, ballet classes, and other activities.
I kept telling myself that I could make it for six months, but then the months turned into years, and I confess that I started to resent the situation. Paul did everything he could to make sure I had a vehicle when I really needed it, but realistically, he needed to work.
Then last winter, the Lord began showing me that
my resentment had turned into outright bitterness. I would go to band concerts and other events for family or friends and then cry all the way home because our kids couldn't do those things. I felt trapped and angry.
As the Lord convicted my heart about this awful sin of discontentment and anger, He also began showing me all that He had actually
given us by taking our second car. I began to see the ways He had blessed our family by drastically simplifying our life and schedule.
For example,
sometime in the last two years I re-discovered that I love to ride my bike. As soon as Isaac was off training wheels, we spent many afternoons riding all over our neighborhood. We even watched the Lord miraculously provide bike locks this last summer, so we spent quite a few afternoons biking to the pool!
I also realized that we have read hundreds of books in the last two years. If I had been out running around my town from activity to activity, we wouldn't have spent nearly as much time in the magical places we visited in our books.
An unexpected benefit of all the reading we've done is that all of my kids are now voracious readers themselves. This summer I was literally stunned to hear myself say, "You may
not read for the rest of the day. Please go play." Who would have ever imagined that being homebound would play a huge part in their love of reading?
We've played countless board games and tromped through the woods. (I have never loved nature like I do now.) We've collected leaves and made muffins. Oh, how I cherish those times-- happy times spent at home with my kids, enjoying their company, teaching them about botany and astronomy, and spending hours with
Johnny Tremain and the
Swiss Family Robinson. I'm pretty sure I would have missed out on many of these things, because I have always struggled with being intentional about how I spend my time with them.
One other thing the Lord showed me is how much I had been over-committed outside of my home. By taking away my vehicle, he also took away my ability to be too busy with other activities and commitments. To be painfully honest, I'm not sure I would have learned such a lesson otherwise. Those other things weren't wrong in themselves, but it was painful to realize that my husband, children, and home needed more of my undivided attention than they were getting. Maybe it took a car accident and the loss of a vehicle to teach me a little about redeeming the time with this family-blessing that God has given me.
As we approached this fall, it was obvious that we were going to need a second car. There were just too many schedule conflicts to share the one car anymore, so Paul leased a vehicle two weeks ago.
It has been an eye-opening change. I made the funny realization this morning that my van isn't magically filling up with gas every so often. The "ding" and gas light on the dashboard startled me! I think I can count on one hand the times I put gas in the van in the last two years.
I'm now able to go where I want when I want, and to be honest, it's a bit of a wistful change. Paul and I were forced to communicate and work together to share the one vehicle, and I hope we don't lose that. I also hope I don't forget the lessons God taught me about my own heart and priorities.
My bike is still in the garage next to five other bikes, and there are some lovely fall days ahead. If you can't reach me, I'm probably out tromping through the woods or riding on the bumpy path through the neighborhood golf course. I have a mile-long list of books to read to the kids, and the blueberries we picked this summer are in the freezer waiting for their grand moment in a muffin.
Maybe the final lesson I learned here is that sometimes God is actually giving us gifts when it seems like He is taking something away. In the end, He took away not just a vehicle and over-committed schedule, but my ensuing discontentment and anger as well. He replaced it with the good gift of being less attached to things and more like His dear Son.
And that, my dear friends, has turned out to be worth far more than a vehicle ever could have been.
